Category: Satire - page 2

Satire, Parody

John Piper: God Not Quite Big Enough For Race Issues

In a stunning theological development, pastor and “Desiring God” teacher John Piper has come to the conclusion that God is just not “big enough” to solve race problems. Employing his usual amorphous, affable and directionless prose, and employing the phrase ‘I don’t know’ for earnest emphasis three separate times, Piper admitted that race is just..

Read more

Apple Re-names Genius Bar “Absolution Table”

Cupertino, CA  ICBTS News Dedicated Apple users intimidated by asking bright young techies a dumb question at the Genius Bar can now add spiritual self-doubt to the process.  Apple Stores throughout North America will now be called “Absolution Tables,” in a move the company thinks will more accurately reflect the spiritual and intellectual dimension associated..

Read more

Church Fight Breaks Out Over Adult Coloring Books

The Annual “God is What You Make Him” celebration at Honeyville Community Church turned violent last week when the church ran short of Max Lucado adult coloring books, according to multiple eye witness accounts. “It’s like the old baseball cap days at major league games,” Pastor Tim Danson explained.  “Once a year we give away..

Read more

Cliché Police Freeze Liberal Accounts

Mountain View, CA  ICBTS News Thousands of left-leaning social network accounts have been frozen over the last two weeks due to an unintended side-effect associated with content-policing.  It appears that the drive to de-monetize conservative blogs and block politically incorrect social network accounts has actually had a reverse effect.  The  anti-cliché component of the policing software..

Read more

Big Glob of Jimmy Kimmel Sanctimony Escapes Studio

Hollywood, CA  ICBTS News A food service worker at the El Capitan Theater in Hollywood narrowly escaped a large rolling ball of pure sanctimony that slid off the stage, past several crew members and into a temporary work area. Hector Ruiz of Documented Catering Services was given first aid treatment for an abrasion he received..

Read more

Best Man Refuses “Lock-Step” Celebration of Friend’s Wedding

Redwood City, CA  ICBTS News  It’s usually the moment when the whole congregation erupts in applause, but when Derek Woods was given permission by the minister to kiss his bride, Debbie Thurgood, their best man suddenly took a knee at the front of the church, along with several groomsmen. “Listen,” explained best man Harold Foster,..

Read more

Irma Cleans Up Cuba

Caibarién, Cuba ICBTS News — Not everyone is complaining about the horrific category 5 hurricane winds brought on by hurricane Irma this week.  In some tiny Cuban seaside towns, the storm surge and strong winds actually made things look certainly askew — but actually a tad cleaner. “You always lose some palm trees in a hurricane,”..

Read more

Conservatives Banned from Re-Charging Smart Phones

Popular USB 3.0 “Type C” Cable Subject to Ideological Restrictions If you’re an evangelical Christian or a supporter of lower taxation, you might be going back to a land line soon.  A consortium of cable manufacturers wants to make sure ideological conservatives of various sorts can’t buy the popular “type c” USB cable necessary for..

Read more

Pope Seeking I Love Lucy “Fred Mertz” Look

VATICAN (ICBTS News) Highly placed confidential sources close to Pope Francis may help explain the recent trip and fall incidents plaguing the holy father.  He is apparently experiencing a great deal of fatigue from cosmetic surgery designed to make him look more like 1950s television star William Frawley who played the character Fred Mertz in I..

Read more