Author: James Riley

Google To Launch “Biden to English” Translation Tool

Mountain View, CA  • ICBTS News Your confusion will soon be over.  Internet search giant Google is about to launch an addition to its popular language translation suite — “Joe Biden to English.”  After six months of press conferences and off the cuff remarks, it is now being publicly confessed, even among long time Biden supporters, that..

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Bloodthirsty, Prehistoric Savage To Learn Mayhem Techniques From New York Teens

New York, NY  • ICBTS News Three Days after a pack of New York teenagers randomly beat an off duty New York firefighter, Skarde the Flesh-Eater, a Third Century BC Norse warrior appeared near a Queens, New York park, anxious to observe more brutality. “This actually beats most of the really awful stuff we did,” Skarde observed. ..

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Toy Manufacturer: “Make Your Own Mandatory Inoculation Kit”

Neptune, Oregon  • ICBTS News A small west coast toy manufacturer is introducing a new child’s toy encouraging children to learn about the magic world of virology and its relationship to pandemics. “Yes, that’s part of it,” explained Karen Monterman, “but the exciting thing about this kit and board game is that it encourages children to..

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Digital Passport For Public Restrooms

“Just about everything is up for grabs!” At a recent information industry trade show, one presenter was nearly beside himself with excitement about the revenue possibilities associated with digital passports, not just for vaccines, but for, well, “just about everything.” “Imagine not being able to unlock an airport restroom stall without your digital car insurance..

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Frustrated Scientists Propose New Campaign: “Trust the Scientists, Not the Science”

Out of concern for a mental breakdown suffered by Anthony Fauci during senate questioning by Dr. Rand Paul, a group of public health policy makers have proposed a new media campaign stressing our need to trust people who talk about science, as opposed to pure science itself. Jeff Foxtell, a pharmaceutical group sales manager and ad-hoc..

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Totally Organic Genetic Engineering

Mom & Pop Gain of Function Operations Spring Up All Over China What do you get when you cross bat, monkey, and rat DNA with a pinch of  something called a “human furin cleavage site?” “Very bad magic,” Yang Chao reports.  “We’re trying to create this year’s super lethal virus so that virologists and evolutionary..

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