“Just about everything is up for grabs!”

At a recent information industry trade show, one presenter was nearly beside himself with excitement about the revenue possibilities associated with digital passports, not just for vaccines, but for, well, “just about everything.”

“Imagine not being able to unlock an airport restroom stall without your digital car insurance payment being confirmed,” he observed.  “When people are faced with crapping on the floor or paying their car insurance, they are going to pay their car insurance.  But the exciting thing is that it’s not limited to just one thing.  There are ENDLESS applications for digital passport technology.  Just about everything is up for grabs.”

“Vaccines are just the beginning,” Meghan Deatcherly observed.

Deatcherly, a spokesperson for the International Association of Submission Technology, believes the future is bright for smart card and biometric behavior control systems. “Pretty soon, unless you’ve confirmed a doctor visit within the last six months, you won’t be able to buy gas, groceries, or even pay your apartment rent.  It’s just that exciting.  We’re building a far more compliant world.”

“What I find gratifying,” Deatcherly confessed, “is that all the people who were once called ‘Karens’ are now in complete control.  My own private consulting group, the Digital-Karens, is completing work on a system that will keep you from being able to purchase basic supplies if you were ever seen lighting fireworks illegally.”

When asked about the possibilities this technology presents for voter integrity, Deatcherly recoiled.  “No, no, no.  We would never use this technology to suppress voter participation. That, dear boy, would be killing the goose that lays the golden eggs.”