Mountain View, CA  • ICBTS News

Your confusion will soon be over.  Internet search giant Google is about to launch an addition to its popular language translation suite — “Joe Biden to English.”  After six months of press conferences and off the cuff remarks, it is now being publicly confessed, even among long time Biden supporters, that no two people agree as to what the man is trying to say.

In a recent appearance with CNN’s Don Lemon, the president was trying to stress the importance of trusting the right people in our lives to tell the truth about the vaccine and then appeared to compare this question to whether there were outer space aliens among us. From the White House briefing room..

There are trusted interlocutors. Think of the people — if your kid wanted to find out whether or not there were — there’s a man on the moon, or whatever — you know, something, or, you know, whether those aliens are here or not — you know, who are the people they talk to beyond the kids who love talking about it? They go to people they respect, and they say, “What do you think?”

According to Google Linguistic expert, Maxim Scriba, “with this application, we had to get away from the concept of ‘word for word.’  Biden recently called German Prime Minister Angela Merkel the ‘second largest prime minister in German history.’  Now, even if that is true, which it might be, we had to get past Biden’s ability to tell nothing but the truth, past his flawless integrity as a communicator, and offer up the least safe-space-threatening version of his message.  We feel as though we’re breaking new ground here.”

When asked why there was no “English to Biden” version of the tool, Scriba laughed.

“We are pretty good at what we do,” Scriba responded, “but we aren’t God.”