Seattle, WA • ICBTS News In a new interview with ICBTS News, a visibly nervous Bill Gates compulsively answered “well, he’s dead now” to every question put to him. “There’s nothing new here,” Bill observed, as he sat down, before any questions were asked. “He’s dead now. He’s dead now. He’s dead now.” When asked if..
Christchurch, New Zealand • ICBTS News “They are coming in space suits, with needles!” Visibly frightened Taliban fighters huddled by the thousands, behind the high, razor wire fence of Christchurch International Airport in New Zealand Saturday, unable to find safe passage back to Afghanistan and safety. Abdul-Fattah Ahmadi, 27, scanned the distant hills for signs of..
Washington, DC • ICBTS News A visibly tired but excited Anthony Fauci told a select group of Washington reporters about a new product offering he’s dreamed of for years but was only recently able to launch: the vaccine of the month club. “It took a while to get all the moving parts together,” Fauci explained, “but..
Washington, DC • ICBTS News In a stunning turn of events, members of America’s economic underclass have shown they can master the difficult new electronic vaccine passport technology quite easily. For decades, poor working class people without college degrees have been thought completely unable to obtain tamper proof voter ID, but they are warming to the..
Albany, NY • ICBTS News In a move designed to restore two reputations at one time, Governor Cuomo has called in former NBC talking head, Matt Lauer, to manage the growing crisis surrounding instances of alleged sexual misconduct in the governor’s office. “The governor,” Lauer claimed, “is totally innocent in all of this. He was only doing..
Albany, NY • ICBTS News An anonymous female source inside Governor Andrew Cuomo’s office takes issue with a recent state report alleging sexual misconduct and harassment by the governor, calling it a “mostly safe” place to work. “There were times,” the source said, “when you could go in there and work for the governor for three or four..
Cambridge, MA • ICBTS News A grieving family–unable to visit a dying loved one during her final hours because of Covid concerns–gave tribute to their recently departed aunt, Hermione Saxville, in a way that confirms the results of a recent Hollick University Study: the less you know about science, the more willing you are to believe in..
Portland, OR • ICBTS News An orderly, masked throng of worshipers gathered on a Portland high school baseball field here Sunday, in socially-distanced seating that radiated out from home plate, where a bronze hypodermic needle dominated the scene. “We’re here to give thanks,” Reverend Tim Sixtrom told the crowd. Sixtrom, a former Episcopalian minister, has been leading..
Mountain View, CA • ICBTS News Your confusion will soon be over. Internet search giant Google is about to launch an addition to its popular language translation suite — “Joe Biden to English.” After six months of press conferences and off the cuff remarks, it is now being publicly confessed, even among long time Biden supporters, that..
New York, NY • ICBTS News Three Days after a pack of New York teenagers randomly beat an off duty New York firefighter, Skarde the Flesh-Eater, a Third Century BC Norse warrior appeared near a Queens, New York park, anxious to observe more brutality. “This actually beats most of the really awful stuff we did,” Skarde observed. ..