Cambridge, MA • ICBTS News A rattled David Hogg was escorted off the Harvard Campus yesterday as troubling news leaked about a confession he made to a fellow student regarding his childhood affection for the hetero-normative television sit-com, “Friends.” “Confessions simply aren’t enough,” said fellow student, Ming Lee-Trowbridge. “The fact that David actually laughed at such horribly..
A Health Policy Change Every Few Hours Dr. Anthony Fauci, reversed his course on Trump rallies, a few hours after warning against them, after learning thousands of “Black Hebrew Israelites” would be offering boot-licking racial forgiveness opportunities on the way into the assemblies. “This obviously changes everything,” Fauci said, in answer to a question from..
Wilmington, DE • ICBTS News A series of unscripted remarks by presumed presidential candidate, Joe Biden, has sent campaign surrogates out, once again, on a damage control mission. After a non-campaign event at the former vice president’s home, Biden was allowed to talk to an old media friend over drinks, unsupervised, and it became apparent that..
CHAZ District, Seattle • ICBTS News Aging members of a song and dance troupe harking back to the Broadway Musical “Hair” (1967) were denied citizenship in the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ) yesterday, as officials of the new district scrambled to set up border walls and tamper proof ID. “To say that we’re discouraged is a major understatement,”..
Washington, DC • ICBTS News It was all going well until the denture-grip failed. During a routine racial reconciliation boot-licking event, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D – San Francisco), while trying to right herself after kissing the boots of an African American activist, slipped, came down hard, and bit the boot of “No Prisons Now” under-secretary..
New York, NY • ICBTS News Fresh from a racial-reconciliation feet washing ceremony, Utah Senator Mitt Romney has upped the stakes in the effort to achieve race-reconciliation and race-forgiveness: free bunion surgery. “I was washing the feet of several African American ministers,” Mitt said, “and I couldn’t help noticing a few of them were suffering from..
Public Health is Your Health At this trying chapter in world history, those of us here at Thurgood Foods–and all of our affiliates, (including some of your favorite brands “Los Pollos Hermanos,” “Cheers,” and “Café Nervosa”)–want to assure all of you that our first priority is the safety and health of our guests in the..
Panorama City, CA • ICBTS News Speaking to his small fellowship from a Zoom feed, evangelical pastor Vance Ichabod told his following he had ordered “magistrate medallions” for each church member as a way of reminding them to always obey government authority, especially during this Covid-19 crisis. “I had just reached the halfway point in my..
ICBTS News • Lansing, Michigan Michigan leadership has gone to war against unmasked Facebook emojis. “Just try me,” Governor Gretchen Whitmer said, according to an unnamed source, “and see if I don’t get Facebook shut down completely in Michigan, using the emergency powers act.” Social media consultants in the governor’s office were alarmed to see that the..
“Sometimes a little inventive fright is good for public health..” BioGrenvale, a New York based green waste company, is quietly offering a new product for hospital administrators anxious to get in on Covid-19 relief funding: compost in human form. “We take a very finely decomposed leaf and grass base,” said company spokesman Harold Wong, “and..