Category: Satire - page 3

Satire, Parody

Charity Turns to Uranium For Fundraising

Casper, Wyoming  ICBTS News Need Money for Hungry Children? Consider U-235 Tracking down wealthy benefactors was once pretty tiring work for Tim Ashley of Universal Village Pantry, an organization dedicated to feeding impoverished children in the third world. “People think when you have a good cause, the money just pours in, but it’s not that..

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Congresswoman Teaches Course on Proper Grieving Attire

Miami, Florida — ICBTS News Forget somber dark grays and deep blacks —  and start thinking canary yellow or “fruit-pop purple.” Fresh off her altercation with President Trump and General Kelly over remarks made by the president to a grieving widow, Congresswoman Frederica Wilson (D-Florida) has announced she will be teaching a course on proper..

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John Piper: God Not Quite Big Enough For Race Issues

In a stunning theological development, pastor and “Desiring God” teacher John Piper has come to the conclusion that God is just not “big enough” to solve race problems. Employing his usual amorphous, affable and directionless prose, and employing the phrase ‘I don’t know’ for earnest emphasis three separate times, Piper admitted that race is just..

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Apple Re-names Genius Bar “Absolution Table”

Cupertino, CA  ICBTS News Dedicated Apple users intimidated by asking bright young techies a dumb question at the Genius Bar can now add spiritual self-doubt to the process.  Apple Stores throughout North America will now be called “Absolution Tables,” in a move the company thinks will more accurately reflect the spiritual and intellectual dimension associated..

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Church Fight Breaks Out Over Adult Coloring Books

The Annual “God is What You Make Him” celebration at Honeyville Community Church turned violent last week when the church ran short of Max Lucado adult coloring books, according to multiple eye witness accounts. “It’s like the old baseball cap days at major league games,” Pastor Tim Danson explained.  “Once a year we give away..

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Cliché Police Freeze Liberal Accounts

Mountain View, CA  ICBTS News Thousands of left-leaning social network accounts have been frozen over the last two weeks due to an unintended side-effect associated with content-policing.  It appears that the drive to de-monetize conservative blogs and block politically incorrect social network accounts has actually had a reverse effect.  The  anti-cliché component of the policing software..

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Big Glob of Jimmy Kimmel Sanctimony Escapes Studio

Hollywood, CA  ICBTS News A food service worker at the El Capitan Theater in Hollywood narrowly escaped a large rolling ball of pure sanctimony that slid off the stage, past several crew members and into a temporary work area. Hector Ruiz of Documented Catering Services was given first aid treatment for an abrasion he received..

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Best Man Refuses “Lock-Step” Celebration of Friend’s Wedding

Redwood City, CA  ICBTS News  It’s usually the moment when the whole congregation erupts in applause, but when Derek Woods was given permission by the minister to kiss his bride, Debbie Thurgood, their best man suddenly took a knee at the front of the church, along with several groomsmen. “Listen,” explained best man Harold Foster,..

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Irma Cleans Up Cuba

Caibarién, Cuba ICBTS News — Not everyone is complaining about the horrific category 5 hurricane winds brought on by hurricane Irma this week.  In some tiny Cuban seaside towns, the storm surge and strong winds actually made things look certainly askew — but actually a tad cleaner. “You always lose some palm trees in a hurricane,”..

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Conservatives Banned from Re-Charging Smart Phones

Popular USB 3.0 “Type C” Cable Subject to Ideological Restrictions If you’re an evangelical Christian or a supporter of lower taxation, you might be going back to a land line soon.  A consortium of cable manufacturers wants to make sure ideological conservatives of various sorts can’t buy the popular “type c” USB cable necessary for..

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