New York, NY • ICBTS News Three Days after a pack of New York teenagers randomly beat an off duty New York firefighter, Skarde the Flesh-Eater, a Third Century BC Norse warrior appeared near a Queens, New York park, anxious to observe more brutality. “This actually beats most of the really awful stuff we did,” Skarde observed. ..
Category: Satire - page 2
Neptune, Oregon • ICBTS News A small west coast toy manufacturer is introducing a new child’s toy encouraging children to learn about the magic world of virology and its relationship to pandemics. “Yes, that’s part of it,” explained product manager Karen Monterman, “but the exciting thing about this kit and board game is that it encourages..
“Just about everything is up for grabs!” At a recent information industry trade show, one presenter was nearly beside himself with excitement about the revenue possibilities associated with digital passports, not just for vaccines, but for, well, “just about everything.” “Imagine not being able to unlock an airport restroom stall without your digital car insurance..
Washington, DC • ICBTS News Fresh off news that a sixth Texas Democrat had tested positive for Covid after leaving the state to avoid legislative duties, an anonymous source close to the delegation informs ICBTS that the group is looking for more international chances to catch rare and attention-focusing diseases. “We think it will really garner a..
Out of concern for a mental breakdown suffered by Anthony Fauci during senate questioning by Dr. Rand Paul, a group of public health policy makers have proposed a new media campaign stressing our need to trust people who talk about science, as opposed to pure science itself. Jeff Foxtell, a pharmaceutical group sales manager and ad-hoc..
Mom & Pop Gain of Function Operations Spring Up All Over China What do you get when you cross bat, monkey, and rat DNA with a pinch of something called a “human furin cleavage site?” “Very bad magic,” Yang Chao reports. “We’re trying to create this year’s super lethal virus so that virologists and evolutionary..
Cambridge, MA • ICBTS News A rattled David Hogg was escorted off the Harvard Campus yesterday as troubling news leaked about a confession he made to a fellow student regarding his childhood affection for the hetero-normative television sit-com, “Friends.” “Confessions simply aren’t enough,” said fellow student, Ming Lee-Trowbridge. “The fact that David actually laughed at such horribly..
A Health Policy Change Every Few Hours Dr. Anthony Fauci, reversed his course on Trump rallies, a few hours after warning against them, after learning thousands of “Black Hebrew Israelites” would be offering boot-licking racial forgiveness opportunities on the way into the assemblies. “This obviously changes everything,” Fauci said, in answer to a question from..
Wilmington, DE • ICBTS News A series of unscripted remarks by presumed presidential candidate, Joe Biden, has sent campaign surrogates out, once again, on a damage control mission. After a non-campaign event at the former vice president’s home, Biden was allowed to talk to an old media friend over drinks, unsupervised, and it became apparent that..
CHAZ District, Seattle • ICBTS News Aging members of a song and dance troupe harking back to the Broadway Musical “Hair” (1967) were denied citizenship in the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ) yesterday, as officials of the new district scrambled to set up border walls and tamper proof ID. “To say that we’re discouraged is a major understatement,”..