“Sometimes a little inventive fright is good for public health..”

BioGrenvale, a New York based green waste company, is quietly offering a new product for hospital administrators anxious to get in on Covid-19 relief funding: compost in human form.

“We take a very finely decomposed leaf and grass base,” said company spokesman Harold Wong, “and we add organic vegetable oil-glue and  a limestone-derived compound for weight.  We then compress and bake the product into one of seven different human shape molds and insert the human like form into a body bag.  As an added plus, these body bags are only about 75% the weight of an average human being.  Yes, if someone makes a close, unzipped inspection, it’s not going to pass for a body, but inside the bag, it has all the ghoulish shape and rubbery cohesion of the deceased.”

One unnamed hospital administrator who refused to name his place of work made a desperate confession.  “Look, we’re bleeding financially right now.  We are laying off staff.  The epidemic just isn’t happening for us.  We need the big, epic scene at the back of the hospital with the truck and the workers taking out the bodies just to keep this thing going.  It sounds cruel, but not enough people are dying.”

Another unnamed hospital source shrugged off the legality issues.  “Let’s be clear,” said the source, “the law, and the Bill of Rights, and sanity got murdered somewhere around March 15, right?  Is anyone even watching anymore?”