Tag: Satire

Ocasio-Cortez: College Bribe Funding Is A Human Right

Washington, DC • ICBTS News In the wake of federal indictments against powerful industry titans and celebrities who have been accused of gaining their children’s elite college admission through bribery, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has weighed in on the side of more bribe funding. “Why,” asked the congresswoman, “should only the rich and powerful have a Stanford..

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Bill Kristol Sets Sights on 2020 Presidential Run

Georgetown, Washington, DC • ICBTS News At the posh Newman-George Badminton Club, Bill Kristol, the former editor of the Weekly Standard, announced his intention to run for the GOP Presidential nomination in 2020. “Should I secure the nomination,” Kristol said to at least two dozen club members taking high tea, “it’s very likely that a dynamic..

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“Hebrew Roots” Woman Goes Full Eden

Mesa, Arizona • ICTBS News Arlyce Simms, 63, now out on bail after her 2nd public nudity arrest, insists on being called “Chava,” (Hebrew for “Eve”) in homage to the Creation story recorded in Genesis, the first book of the Bible. “I had been protesting that horrible homage to pagan idolatry, Christmas, at a local mall,”..

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“Boob Grope” Support Group Formed

Madison, WI – ICBTS News In the wake of thousands of sexual harassment claims made by women against men in political and media circles, a group of male professors at Hollick University are coming forward, anonymously for now, against women who abuse greetings, “side hugs” and in some cases the full frontal, lingering embrace. “It’s..

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Charity Turns to Uranium For Fundraising

Casper, Wyoming  ICBTS News Need Money for Hungry Children? Consider U-235 Tracking down wealthy benefactors was once pretty tiring work for Tim Ashley of Universal Village Pantry, an organization dedicated to feeding impoverished children in the third world. “People think when you have a good cause, the money just pours in, but it’s not that..

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John Kasich Hoping to be Knock-Out Victim

DILLON, SC — ICBTS News Presidential candidate and Ohio governor John Kasich found himself wandering  a dangerous South Carolina neighborhood last week, looking for someone to knock him out cold — literally. “I’m behind the curve on this,” he told reporters, “this expression of young urban identity– this knock out game where distressed young kids..

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