Tag: Satire

“Hebrew Roots” Woman Goes Full Eden

Mesa, Arizona • ICTBS News Arlyce Simms, 63, now out on bail after her 2nd public nudity arrest, insists on being called “Chava,” (Hebrew for “Eve”) in homage to the Creation story recorded in Genesis, the first book of the Bible. “I had been protesting that horrible homage to pagan idolatry, Christmas, at a local mall,”..

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“Boob Grope” Support Group Formed

Madison, WI – ICBTS News In the wake of thousands of sexual harassment claims made by women against men in political and media circles, a group of male professors at Hollick University are coming forward, anonymously for now, against women who abuse greetings, “side hugs” and in some cases the full frontal, lingering embrace. “It’s..

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Charity Turns to Uranium For Fundraising

Casper, Wyoming  ICBTS News Need Money for Hungry Children? Consider U-235 Tracking down wealthy benefactors was once pretty tiring work for Tim Ashley of Universal Village Pantry, an organization dedicated to feeding impoverished children in the third world. “People think when you have a good cause, the money just pours in, but it’s not that..

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John Kasich Hoping to be Knock-Out Victim

DILLON, SC — ICBTS News Presidential candidate and Ohio governor John Kasich found himself wandering  a dangerous South Carolina neighborhood last week, looking for someone to knock him out cold — literally. “I’m behind the curve on this,” he told reporters, “this expression of young urban identity– this knock out game where distressed young kids..

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Pope Seeking I Love Lucy “Fred Mertz” Look

VATICAN (ICBTS News) Highly placed confidential sources close to Pope Francis may help explain the recent trip and fall incidents plaguing the holy father.  He is apparently experiencing a great deal of fatigue from cosmetic surgery designed to make him look more like 1950s television star William Frawley who played the character Fred Mertz in I..

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Shut Up, For Your Own Good…

Being Absolutely Quiet is the Best Thing For You, (And Us..) I need to say a few words about our founder, Felix Perringdale. The 1893 photograph of Perringdale is widely misunderstood, and scandalously misrepresented by his detractors.  Over the course of three years, Perringdale repaired to his parents’ barn in Le Mars, Iowa, where–surrounded by..

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Tech Firms Buying Up Mega-Churches

iChurch? There’s a new gold rush on in California, and it comes with its own praise music.  According to confidential industry insiders, three of Silicon Valley’s biggest technology firms are in bidding wars to buy up the nation’s largest churches. “Not many pastors are truly entertaining,” said a stock market analyst close to the acquisition..

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