Tag: Satire

Kneeling Mitt Offers Racial Reconciliation Bunion Surgery

New York, NY • ICBTS News Fresh from a racial-reconciliation feet washing ceremony, Utah Senator Mitt Romney has upped the stakes in the effort to achieve race-reconciliation and race-forgiveness: free bunion surgery. “I was washing the feet of several African American ministers,” Mitt said, “and I couldn’t help noticing a few of them were suffering from..

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We Care!

Public Health is Your Health At this trying chapter in world history, those of us here at Thurgood Foods–and all of our affiliates, (including some of your favorite brands “Los Pollos Hermanos,” “Cheers,” and “Café Nervosa”)–want to assure all of you that our first priority is the safety and health of our guests in the..

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Adam Schiff Claims Trump Commanded North Korean Death Camp

Washington, DC — ICBTS News Congressional Intelligence Committee Chair, Adam Schiff (D-California), is planning to present dramatic testimony this week alleging that President Donald Trump personally commanded a North Korean death camp. A confidential source within the Congressman’s office refused to name the source of this new revelation but hinted, strongly, that it’s clear from..

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New Study Unable to Locate White Nationalists

Madison, WI – ICBTS News In response to public fear of growing “white nationalism” expressed by organizations as diverse as the National Education Association, NPR, The Southern Poverty Law Center, and the Queer Socialist Workers Party, researchers at Hollick University set out to identify both a definition for “White Nationalism” and where it might be gaining..

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Joe Biden Leaves on “International Shakedown” Tour

McLean, VA —  ICBTS News Presidential Candidate and former VP Joe Biden announced yesterday he will be leaving this week on what he is boldly calling an “International Shakedown Tour.” “It’s a sad reality, but in politics, you need to raise the bucks,” Biden said, “and I’ve found a fun and efficient way to do..

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Ocasio-Cortez: College Bribe Funding Is A Human Right

Washington, DC • ICBTS News In the wake of federal indictments against powerful industry titans and celebrities who have been accused of gaining their children’s elite college admission through bribery, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has weighed in on the side of more bribe funding. “Why,” asked the congresswoman, “should only the rich and powerful have a Stanford..

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Bill Kristol Sets Sights on 2020 Presidential Run

Georgetown, Washington, DC • ICBTS News At the posh Newman-George Badminton Club, Bill Kristol, the former editor of the Weekly Standard, announced his intention to run for the GOP Presidential nomination in 2020. “Should I secure the nomination,” Kristol said to at least two dozen club members taking high tea, “it’s very likely that a dynamic..

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