The Director of MOO (Ministry of Outcomes) Congressional Testimony Opening Statement (Sometime in the not too distant future) Members of Congress thank you for allowing me this time to address what has become an embarrassing reality for the 15,000 federal employees who have given their lives to MOO. As you know, Congress established MOO, the..
Georgetown, Washington, DC • ICBTS News At the posh Newman-George Badminton Club, Bill Kristol, the former editor of the Weekly Standard, announced his intention to run for the GOP Presidential nomination in 2020. “Should I secure the nomination,” Kristol said to at least two dozen club members taking high tea, “it’s very likely that a dynamic..
Mesa, Arizona • ICTBS News Arlyce Simms, 63, now out on bail after her 2nd public nudity arrest, insists on being called “Chava,” (Hebrew for “Eve”) in homage to the Creation story recorded in Genesis, the first book of the Bible. “I had been protesting that horrible homage to pagan idolatry, Christmas, at a local mall,”..
Madison, WI – ICBTS News In the wake of thousands of sexual harassment claims made by women against men in political and media circles, a group of male professors at Hollick University are coming forward, anonymously for now, against women who abuse greetings, “side hugs” and in some cases the full frontal, lingering embrace. “It’s..
Minneapolis, MN — ICBTS News Reformed Pastor whips himself with cat o nine tails in penance for Trump Voters… Pastor John Piper, president of Bethlehem College & Seminar, shocked the reformed Evangelical world recently when he accused God of making a terrible mistake in allowing Donald Trump to be elected president. “Although I believe in the..
Provincetown, MA — ICBTS News A fatigued but hopeful Kevin Spacey inspected work on a series of bunk houses in this beach resort town recently, during a break in the production of “House of Cards.” The 58 year old award winning actor has found time recently to review progress on a project very close to..
Casper, Wyoming ICBTS News Need Money for Hungry Children? Consider U-235 Tracking down wealthy benefactors was once pretty tiring work for Tim Ashley of Universal Village Pantry, an organization dedicated to feeding impoverished children in the third world. “People think when you have a good cause, the money just pours in, but it’s not that..
DILLON, SC — ICBTS News Presidential candidate and Ohio governor John Kasich found himself wandering a dangerous South Carolina neighborhood last week, looking for someone to knock him out cold — literally. “I’m behind the curve on this,” he told reporters, “this expression of young urban identity– this knock out game where distressed young kids..
VATICAN (ICBTS News) Highly placed confidential sources close to Pope Francis may help explain the recent trip and fall incidents plaguing the holy father. He is apparently experiencing a great deal of fatigue from cosmetic surgery designed to make him look more like 1950s television star William Frawley who played the character Fred Mertz in I..
Being Absolutely Quiet is the Best Thing For You, (And Us..) I need to say a few words about our founder, Felix Perringdale. The 1893 photograph of Perringdale is widely misunderstood, and scandalously misrepresented by his detractors. Over the course of three years, Perringdale repaired to his parents’ barn in Le Mars, Iowa, where–surrounded by..