Wilmington, DE • ICBTS News

A series of unscripted remarks by presumed presidential candidate, Joe Biden, has sent campaign surrogates out, once again, on a damage control mission. After a non-campaign event at the former vice president’s home, Biden was allowed to talk to an old media friend over drinks, unsupervised, and it became apparent that Biden had conflated the “Paw Patrol” police dog character flap with actual law enforcement canine units.

“It doesn’t matter how cute you dress them up,” the former vice president is reported to have observed, “if there is systemic German Shepherd racism among law enforcement canine units, we need a task force to get rid of them entirely.  You can put a cute little blue uniform on them, but — I mean I saw a picture of that Paw Patrol monster and uh, we, wait, well you know, you know what it’s called.  They all have to go. No excuses.”

Reaction from law enforcement, predictably, was dramatic.  Police dogs are considered indispensable in the profession, with respect to both prevention and investigation, serving to locate everything from cadavers, to drugs, to lost children.

Simone Flanders, a campaign spokeswoman attempted to clear things up.  “Obviously, in light of Black Lives Matter all police cartoon characters have to go completely.  We can’t allow children to believe that any law enforcement officer is kind and gentle.  We are seeking to scrub everything from Barney Fife to the happy police dog in Paw Patrol, but actual police dogs, in real life, have their place.”

When a reporter asked if cartoon police dogs or real police dogs have been involved in more suspect deaths, Biden grabbed the microphone and asked, “what kind of a wise ass question is that?”