The Ugly Problem of Folk Dance Hate..

September is National Square Dance Month, but the national celebration will be too late for Marcy Quinsdale.  Marcy, just 14 years old, had saved enough money from her allowance to buy a competitive dance outfit, with a gored, pocketed skirt and peasant style blouse. The ensemble was all tied together with a festive red calico print.  Unfortunately, Marcy’s eccentric love for contra dancing and country reels wasn’t shared by many of her schoolmates, who made vicious fun of her folk dance obsession.

Marcy was found dead, of suicide, in the upper loft of a Lion’s Club assembly hall, clutching a carnation and a note detailing the ridicule she had received from classmates who didn’t appreciate her love for traditional dance.

Marcy isn’t alone.

Millions of young people yearn for a connection with their past–a festive, wholesome chance to hold hands and be drawn onto the dance floor by the lure of the fiddle and a pretty girl’s smile.  They long to see strong young men gallantly “right arm swinging” with bright-eyed maidens.  In the era of dreary, gray gender socialism, they want to see real cowboys and real cowgirls in tight jeans.

Square Dance Pride

So here is our solution.  Square Dance Pride Month will relentlessly occupy every micro-second of the interval between September 1, 2023 at 12:00:00 AM and September 30, 2023 at 11:59:59.  Our goal will be to keep “square dancing” on the national consciousness at all times.  Americans will wake up to square dancing, eat to square dancing, and fart to square dancing.  There shouldn’t be a single moment of the day where Americans don’t internally celebrate “square dancing” and then externally virtue-signal high love for “square dancing” at every opportunity.

The program outline..

  • Get the ESG people involved.  All bank loans and employment should be squarely focused on making sure applicants affirm their love for square dancing.
  • Involve the pastors. All you have to do is let them know some of their people are hurt by square dance “hate.”  They will figure out a way to include that in a sermon moment. Make sure the sermon sign board has a message reading something like, “..We welcome all God’s children, even square dancers.”
  • There are lots of good natured, well-meaning people who might not understand why passionate love for “square dancing” is very important. Make sure you have lots of “resources” for them — workshops, links, online certifications.  Let these folks know how important it is to get their certification all completed.  These people are gentle, well-meaning idiots, and they will comply right away.
  • There may be some folks who love music, and dance, but are not particularly drawn to square dancing.  Don’t be afraid to call them phobic idiots who hate ALL music.
  • Borrow universally loved symbols. Superimpose two square dancers over the Lincoln Monument.  Let people know if they don’t love square dancing they are on the wrong side of the Civil War and probably keep slaves.
  • Embrace the weirdos in the square dance movement.  Host a nude square dancing event for five year-olds at a local library.  Call any parent who objects… (oh, you know the drill: hateful, parochial, repressed..)
  • Above all else, REFUSE to debate the issue.  Call them names. Accuse them of hate, but be very clear about this: as much as we love square dancing, there is no LOGICAL way to force everyone to love square dancing, so just do not engage in any reasonable discussion.  Take a lesson from Dr. Fauci: refuse any open debate.  When you can’t defend your position, it is not a good idea to invite the discussion.

Happy Square Dance Pride Month!!