Washington, DC  • ICBTS News

In a stunning turn of events, members of America’s economic underclass have shown they can master the difficult new electronic vaccine passport technology quite easily.  For decades, poor working class people without college degrees have been thought completely unable to obtain tamper proof voter ID, but they are warming to the more complicated and expensive passport systems.

“They wouldn’t let me into the liquor store without proof-of-vaccination,” reported Marta Trimbleville, a New York homeless person, “so I went to the Play Store, downloaded the app, and the drug store did the rest.”

When asked if she had personal photo ID, she nodded. “New York Real ID, US Passport, and I think one other.”

When asked if this had been extraordinarily difficult to obtain, Marta shrugged.  “Not really.”

When asked if this distinguished her among fellow homeless people, she chuckled. “An ID?  Everyone has an ID.”

Still, vaccine advocates are thrilled knowing that vaccine passports are so much more easy to master, and obtain, than the photo IDs that working class people, and homeless, must find so terribly difficult to keep on hand.

“We have made the vaccine passport technology so easy,” reports Meghan Deatcherly of IAST (International Association of Submission Technology), “that anyone can stop into a drug store using their favorite mobile device and register their finger print and vaccine status in five minutes or less.”

When asked if poor, working class people owned mobile devices, Deatcherly laughed.  “Of course!  I mean it’s a little Android-heavy but we’re finding that even undocumented workers have at least one or two devices each.  And with the money these pharmaceutical companies are making, they can afford to give them away.”

When asked why that wouldn’t work for voter ID applications, Deatcherly bristled.  “Look, we’re not going to get into people’s idiosyncratic conspiracy theories here.”