Albany, NY  • ICBTS News

In a move designed to restore two reputations at one time, Governor Cuomo has called in former NBC talking head, Matt Lauer, to manage the growing crisis surrounding instances of alleged sexual misconduct in the governor’s office.

“The governor,” Lauer claimed, “is totally innocent in all of this.  He was only doing what he was advised to do by experts on his staff.”

When asked for clarification, Lauer continued: “He certainly didn’t mean to kill all those people in those rest homes.”

Lauer appeared confused when reminded that his duties would include running point on issues of sexual misconduct.

“Wait?” Lauer asked.  “That?  That’s nothing.  It’s not like he had a lock-the-door button under his desk.”  Lauer’s voice trailed off.  “Well.  Shoot.  That’s disappointing.  I thought they were bringing me in for the real story.”