Washington, DC  • ICBTS News

A visibly tired but excited Anthony Fauci told a select group of Washington reporters about a new product offering he’s dreamed of for years but was only recently able to launch: the vaccine of the month club.

“It took a while to get all the moving parts together,” Fauci explained, “but now you can have highly experimental and largely untested vaccines delivered right to your door.  I’ve been thinking about this since before the AIDS crisis.  You know all those people on social media who brag about getting their jab?  It strikes me as something like wine collectors.  They usually know nothing about the product at all but they like to brag to their friends about their collection.  Why not use our craving for status to conduct dangerous testing on large numbers of people?”

“This way,” he continued, “if we need new boosters, we will just give it a new label and a new vintage.  We’re even putting the needles in tasteful wooden gift boxes with velvet lining.”

When asked about increasing hospital and death rates in highly vaccinated Israel and the UK, followed by heart irregularities among teenage boys taking the vaccine, Fauci circled right back to the vaccine of the month club.

“All the more reason,” he said, “to make this a mandatory government program.  Maybe we can come up with something that will fix last month’s problem.”