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Breaking:  Matt Lauer To Run Cuomo Crisis Team

Albany, NY  • ICBTS News In a move designed to restore two reputations at one time, Governor Cuomo has called in former NBC talking head, Matt Lauer, to manage the growing crisis surrounding instances of alleged sexual misconduct in the governor’s office. “The governor,” Lauer claimed, “is totally innocent in all of this.  He was only doing..

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Cuomo Staffer:  Office was ‘Mostly Safe’ For Women

Albany, NY  • ICBTS News An anonymous female source inside Governor Andrew Cuomo’s office takes issue with a recent state report alleging sexual misconduct and harassment by the governor, calling it a “mostly safe” place to work. “There were times,” the source said, “when you could go in there and work for the governor for three or four..

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Shock Poll: People With No Scientific Education Most Likely to “Believe the Science”

Cambridge, MA  • ICBTS News A grieving family–unable to visit a dying loved one during her final hours because of Covid concerns–gave tribute to their recently departed aunt, Hermione Saxville, in a way that confirms the results of a recent Hollick University Study: the less you know about science, the more willing you are to believe in..

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Vaccine Mandates and Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery”

“Bobby Martin had already stuffed his pockets full of stones..” With the possible exception of cafeteria pizza on Fridays, nothing feels, to me, more “late 20th century public school” than reading and discussing Shirley Jackson’s 1948 short story, “The Lottery”  I think, in my own case, we may have been assigned it twice, and it..

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“Church of the Blessed Vaccine” Opens in Portland

Portland, OR  • ICBTS News An orderly, masked throng of worshipers gathered on a Portland high school baseball field here Sunday, in socially-distanced seating that radiated out from home plate, where a bronze hypodermic needle dominated the scene. “We’re here to give thanks,” Reverend Tim Sixtrom told the crowd.  Sixtrom, a former Episcopalian minister, has been leading..

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Google To Launch “Biden to English” Translation Tool

Mountain View, CA  • ICBTS News Your confusion will soon be over.  Internet search giant Google is about to launch an addition to its popular language translation suite — “Joe Biden to English.”  After six months of press conferences and off the cuff remarks, it is now being publicly confessed, even among long time Biden supporters, that..

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Bloodthirsty, Prehistoric Savage To Learn Mayhem Techniques From New York Teens

New York, NY  • ICBTS News Three Days after a pack of New York teenagers randomly beat an off duty New York firefighter, Skarde the Flesh-Eater, a Third Century BC Norse warrior appeared near a Queens, New York park, anxious to observe more brutality. “This actually beats most of the really awful stuff we did,” Skarde observed. ..

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Toy Manufacturer: “Make Your Own Mandatory Inoculation Kit”

Neptune, Oregon  • ICBTS News A small west coast toy manufacturer is introducing a new child’s toy encouraging children to learn about the magic world of virology and its relationship to pandemics. “Yes, that’s part of it,” explained product manager Karen Monterman, “but the exciting thing about this kit and board game is that it encourages..

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