- page 5

Now Shipping JPR's New Book

“Church of the Blessed Vaccine” Opens in Portland

Portland, OR  • ICBTS News An orderly, masked throng of worshipers gathered on a Portland high school baseball field here Sunday, in socially-distanced seating that radiated out from home plate, where a bronze hypodermic needle dominated the scene. “We’re here to give thanks,” Reverend Tim Sixtrom told the crowd.  Sixtrom, a former Episcopalian minister, has been leading..

Read more

Google To Launch “Biden to English” Translation Tool

Mountain View, CA  • ICBTS News Your confusion will soon be over.  Internet search giant Google is about to launch an addition to its popular language translation suite — “Joe Biden to English.”  After six months of press conferences and off the cuff remarks, it is now being publicly confessed, even among long time Biden supporters, that..

Read more

Bloodthirsty, Prehistoric Savage To Learn Mayhem Techniques From New York Teens

New York, NY  • ICBTS News Three Days after a pack of New York teenagers randomly beat an off duty New York firefighter, Skarde the Flesh-Eater, a Third Century BC Norse warrior appeared near a Queens, New York park, anxious to observe more brutality. “This actually beats most of the really awful stuff we did,” Skarde observed. ..

Read more

Toy Manufacturer: “Make Your Own Mandatory Inoculation Kit”

Neptune, Oregon  • ICBTS News A small west coast toy manufacturer is introducing a new child’s toy encouraging children to learn about the magic world of virology and its relationship to pandemics. “Yes, that’s part of it,” explained product manager Karen Monterman, “but the exciting thing about this kit and board game is that it encourages..

Read more

Digital Passport For Public Restrooms

“Just about everything is up for grabs!” At a recent information industry trade show, one presenter was nearly beside himself with excitement about the revenue possibilities associated with digital passports, not just for vaccines, but for, well, “just about everything.” “Imagine not being able to unlock an airport restroom stall without your digital car insurance..

Read more

Frustrated Scientists Propose New Campaign: “Trust the Scientists, Not the Science”

Out of concern for a mental breakdown suffered by Anthony Fauci during senate questioning by Dr. Rand Paul, a group of public health policy makers have proposed a new media campaign stressing our need to trust people who talk about science, as opposed to pure science itself. Jeff Foxtell, a pharmaceutical group sales manager and ad-hoc..

Read more