Washington, DC • ICBTS News

In the wake of federal indictments against powerful industry titans and celebrities who have been accused of gaining their children’s elite college admission through bribery, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has weighed in on the side of more bribe funding.

“Why,” asked the congresswoman, “should only the rich and powerful have a Stanford or a Harvard education? If you find homework difficult, why shouldn’t more people have access to the kind of money you need to bribe a sailing coach?”

“Not everyone feels the call to study,” she continued. “Those SAT logic questions can be really tricky.  Is it fair that every option is not open to everyone?”

When asked how the country would fund an average bribe of $500,000 for each of the 4 million Americans entering college each year, Ocazio-Cortez threw up her hands and said “how can we afford not to?”