The Annual “God is What You Make Him” celebration at Honeyville Community Church turned violent last week when the church ran short of Max Lucado adult coloring books, according to multiple eye witness accounts.
“It’s like the old baseball cap days at major league games,” Pastor Tim Danson explained. “Once a year we give away a package of crayons and a free adult coloring book as a way of giving back to the community and as a way of saying ‘color God the way you see him.'”
Everything was going very well, until a staff member discovered the distributor had mislabeled several boxes of Westminster Confessions as Max Lucado Adult Coloring books.
“They were supposed to have the rare ‘Mindfulness’ edition. I drove 40 miles for this,” complained Jeremy Bedlow, a 27 year old radiology technician, “and I was sucker punched for my troubles.”
Bedlow, sporting a mean looking purple contusion on his left cheekbone, was referring to a long time member of the congregation, Carol Meade, who simply would not take the Westminster Confession as a substitute. Meade, 43, insisted that Bedlow “doesn’t even go here,” and when a tug-of-war ensued, she stepped back and belted him, according to several witnesses. It wasn’t clear whether Bedlow intended to press charges.
“The Confession is a lot more dollars per unit,” Pastor Danson explained, “but we were willing to give those away too; it’s just that when people are in a coloring mood they don’t want to get into the really heavy stuff, and it’s difficult to create your own version of God when all that text gets in the way.”