Dawning of Pair Blue Light

My bluetooth microphone actually becomes a microphone when I hold down on the power button for “approximately” two seconds.  Before that, it just controls the volume of my ear pieces.  If, however, I press the power button once, it will answer a phone call.  If I press it twice, quickly, I will be voice prompted to make a phone call.  If I hold the power button and the down volume button at the same time, it turns off all external sound passing through the ear pieces and lets you hear just the music, or the phone call — blocking out the sound of the restaurant or the office around you.  I think I have to hold the power button down for seven seconds to turn the thing off completely.

It seems to me, lately, a lot of consumer electronics have opted for this pause-press-double-click-sweep-right-double-button-press secret handshake stuff.  Reading the overseas “short cuts” in “English” can be a challenge too.

“Being power button firmly for three seconds to behold amber light and energy saving operation.”

“With attention to volume up, volume down pressure use other finger to confirm power button red light appearing.”

“Firm rapid pressing three times, but quickly, to achieve transfer calmness.”

I have a pretty high end Sony Camera that boasts of “one touch” NFC file transfer capacity. (Look for the little “N” like symbol on your camera).  Theoretically, once you set it up, you just touch the phone to the camera and the file transfer starts.  In practice, however, I usually have to take my phone and rub it along one side of the camera in a circular motion, to find the magic spot, as I repeat the words, softly, “c’mon, c’mon, c’mon.”  It looks like some sort of weird technology sex and my wife has asked me a few times, “so what is that you’re doing with those things again?”

From time to time, I’ll hear the Apple crowd glowing about how easy and intuitive and almost spiritual their various iGear stuff is, but I don’t get it.  In fact, when my wife and I switch phones (she’s iPhone; I’m Pixel 2xl), we’re mutually flummoxed for a few seconds by the differences in the interfaces.

When someone tells me, “that’s easy.  You just hold your thumb down on the screen for 2 seconds and then this happens.”

“Where does it say that?” I ask.
“It doesn’t.”
“Then how is that intuitive?”
“It’s just easier.”

I guess I’m a word guy, and even a 26 letters guy.  I like instructions in English, not pictures.  I would be the sort of cave man terribly confused by a drawing of four mastodons and a man holding a fish.  “What this mean?” I would ask my friend, Glog.

I don’t like pushing on a picture of something that looks like a pair of scissors and then wondering, “what is this going to do?  Am I making something disappear or am I trimming it?  Will there be any going back?  Will the next screen show my entire file system being deleted?”

I think I’d be willing to pay for a heavy metal dial that actually made a clicking sound as it dialed past specific options, in clear English.  It beats holding down three buttons at the same time and yelling, “pair!  pair!”