Madison, WI • ICBTS News

Hollick University researchers have concluded a study covering the reaction of women to men who “pearl clutch” and have concluded that sexual revulsion is five times more likely in women observing men who compulsively signal fear and peevish disdain when faced with stimulus that is considered trivial.

The study was conducted with 20 male actors who responded in various, scripted ways to the issues of pronoun mis-gendering and Islamophobia.

“Men who responded to inappropriate pronouns with a grunt or a belch,” said Professor Tim Wahlings, “were found to be ten times more attractive than men who launched into a scripted lecture about bullying and gender confusion.”

In what many researchers found to be an alarming instance of blatant bigotry, men who responded to a video of ISIS terrorism with “they ought to fry those m*ther *-f**kers,” were seen to be four times more attractive then men who responded with, “have we checked our privilege on this, before responding?”  Physiological sensors measuring brain waves and body heat in the women being tested indicated the level of attraction was actually far higher than their stated responses as well.  “This causes some real problems for us,” Professor Wahlings observed,  “not the least of which is the growing lack of federal interest in this sort of research.”

When the male subjects actually wore a pearl necklace, as opposed to just figuratively grabbing them with language cues, the revulsion levels were extremely high.  “Off the chart,” Wahlings said.