Popular USB 3.0 “Type C” Cable Subject to Ideological Restrictions

If you’re an evangelical Christian or a supporter of lower taxation, you might be going back to a land line soon.  A consortium of cable manufacturers wants to make sure ideological conservatives of various sorts can’t buy the popular “type c” USB cable necessary for re-charging their mobile devices.

“We’re not fooling around with hate,” said Thad Shrewsberry of CableXHEART, a consortium of independent computer peripheral suppliers.  “We’re asking questions.”

With Google’s ongoing campaign to demonitize channels it deems insufficiently progressive and Facebook’s decision to make its forum more lone wolf and jihad sensitive, some of the hardware manufacturers felt left behind.

“On a social network,” Shrewsberry observed, as he oversaw the wrapping of care package of cables for North Korea, “it’s easy to identify the wackos.  You can even write algorithms to delete the accounts of people who voted for Romney or Trump, but with a physical purchase it’s more difficult.  You just don’t know who might have an objection to transgendered restrooms, for example. Those people don’t advertise their bigotry.”

Shrewsberry and his colleagues are training retail clerks to look for tell-tale signs.  They look for slightly larger families, hygiene-obsession, and more expansive vocabularies among home-schoolers.  It’s all code for “conservative.”

“Type C is a really handy fast charging standard,” Thad observed.  “We’re not going to hand out that technology to people with the wrong ideas.”