Twitter still feels a bit like the wild west of the internet, even if some of the school marms and temperance people have begun setting up camp.  Sometimes, you can’t avoid some real cyber vermin.  While you can’t spend too much time arguing with people who can’t think,  a few Twitter put downs, (before blocking) can be helpful:

My list:

  • “Let me guess.  You sell Herbalife, don’t you?”
  • “How long have you been a den mother and are the children safe right now?”
  • “..and vice versa.”  (Try to use this when it makes absolutely no sense.  It will drive them crazy.)
  • “They call it flower food, but you shouldn’t actually eat that stuff.  I think you know that, but I’m just making sure.”
  • “They said you were totally off the beat today at chair yoga.  Even the old guy who can’t speak was laughing.”
  • “I’m talking about the Challenger spacecraft, not that thing you drive around in without a backseat.”
  • “So I’m guessing that sheepish apology face some people make when they get really high SAT scores — that’s not one of your problems, right?”
  • “You’re not under the impression Sarah Silverman graduated from college, are you?”
  • “The idea is not to actually drink the bong-water.”
  • “Normally, I’d have to take the service elevator to meet someone like you.”
  • “I don’t want you to misunderstand.  I’m glad you’re going to meetings. But this here is not a meeting.”
  • “Yes, I’m old and ugly by your standards. That speaks to your neutral-gendered restroom crusade how?”
  • “Turn on the toaster.  Stick a fork in it.  See if that clears up your thinking any.”
  • “Are there any paved roads in your part of the country?”