Wilmington, Delaware – ICBTS News

At a small press conference in a long time family residence, former Vice President Joe Biden wiped away a tear as he took in the sight of a long hallway full of bronze wildlife statuary.

“It’s been a lifetime of commissioning these beauties,” Biden said. “I had to find the pictures for the modeling itself, and locate sculptors capable of bringing these images to full 3D reality.”

The statues represent North American ducks of various sorts, all in pairs, in what appears to be some sort of combat.

“Not combat,” Biden was quick to point out.  “They’re mating.  The male duck, the drake, sneaks up on the hen and that old boy puts a love bite on her neck, and then — boy, howdy — it’s a struggle I tell you.  I’ve taped it, just to give the artists some sense of the kinetic energy we’re talking about here. It’s a marvelous natural display that we could lose to climate change.”

While no representative of the Smithsonian was on hand, and it wasn’t clear where the collection would be housed, Biden read a curator’s statement indicating that any gift from a former vice president is always valued.

“A lot of people might not know this,” Biden said, “but the drake has a corkscrew shaped pecker and — get this — he can grow a new one every year.”

Asked if he was considering a run for the presidency, Biden chuckled.  “Thought about that,” he said slyly, “but the Smithsonian assured me I can have them back, more or less immediately, if I need to move into 1600 Pennsylvania.”

Biden looked wistfully down the hallway and put his hands playfully around the neck of a journalist from Cosmopolitan.  “Powerful,” he said.  “This is a big F-n deal, don’t you think?”