Plains, Georgia (Rooters) – Witnesses describe a disheveled Jimmy Carter sitting on the curb, explaining his side of an altercation that took place between former President Carter and his wife Rosalynn, shortly after 11 PM Sunday night.
“These things happen,” said Sergeant Ronnie ‘Ducks’ Hickson, of the Plains sheriff’s department. (more…)
Internationally famous entertainment magnate Oprah Winfrey has returned from a recent trip to Utah in a state of depression over the lack of racism on display in various retail outlets around the city of Salt Lake.
“I’ve never seen her this down,” said a source close to Oprah’s travel coordination team. (more…)
Doing the Dictators Proud
Here is what I still find startling about the entire GLAAD public communications manifesto: removing sexuality and religion from the discussion for a moment, the precedent of any group declaring a preemptive ban on criticism feels creepy and totalitarian. Imagine yourself unable to express, say, any negative opinion (more…)
“God Hates Rural Jackasses” Or…
A Few Thoughts on Pastor Michael Hiltzik’s Recent Sermon in the Los Angeles Times
If you never grew up in a religious community, you might not understand how religious you really are. Even if you claim to be a proud, free-sailing atheist, you do have a (more…)
Madison, WI (Rueters) – A groundbreaking study out of Hollick University is shedding new light on the mysterious ritual of dating. In a $10 million federally funded research project, studies indicated the vast majority of men who ask a woman out on a date, only to be turned down, feel disappointment.
Boston (Rooters) – Psychologists at Mather University have just made public the results of a three year, $25 million federal study on the effects of positive, well-intended criticism: apparently, people don’t like it.
“We followed 1200 subjects,” said professor Arnold Rosen, “all of whom self-identified as people who genuinely want to improve their lives (more…)
Washington (Rueters) – According to a new White House report, health care exchanges all over the country are seeing dramatic enrollment increases among a special kind of fortunate citizen: lottery winners.
“It’s very dramatic,” said press secretary Jay Carney, “we’re seeing increases among lottery winners by not just single percentage factors but — (more…)
The Market Place of Approved Ideas
A few of my friends are Phil Robertson scoffers, not because they disagree with his position on New Testament sexual morality, but because they feel certain the controversy was manufactured. A revelation of this sort makes the already shrill gay lobby scream bloody murder, and (more…)
Randy: It’s who I am. I have no choice..
Paul: Well, forgive me, Randy, but that is just hard to believe…
Randy: I’ve known it since I was five (more…)
“Let me put it this way,” Walt said, taking a calming, diplomatic breath, “we need an Irish tenor to sing this song.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying we need an Irish tenor.” (more…)